Wednesday, March 25, 2009

.crown-me-royal.

Assalamualaikum and good day!

I'm gonna be crowned!!

But not of any Tiara.

Hehe..actually, being 20, i have had ONE tooth extracted. My right premolar. As someone who sometimes (some fellas say ALL the time) smiles a little bit too wide, it's hard for people not to notice.

I know, it's a sad sad loss.. And i had tried to look for dental seniors who were willing to make a bridge for the lost tooth, so that my other adjacent teeth won't be out of place to fill in the gap. I tried my luck with the seniors because i heard that if i go straight to the clinic, i may have to be in the waiting list. And if at government hospitals, 'the waiting list' means..'the forever waiting' list. But then i guess the seniors all have much more interesting cases to deal with. None that i approached are interested. *sigh*(u.u)'

Today, i went to the dental clinic to participate in a dental research done by a postgraduate dentist, but i didn't make it as participant, because the reasearcher is only looking for perfect set of teeth - and mine, (duh~) is reduced. sob sob.. However, Dr. Ali (the postgraduate dentist) saw my missing tooth and suggest me to another dentist in the clinic for bridge. So i registered at the main counter, and waited.

After about 1 hour, i have my teeth checked by Dr. Syed. When he identified the problems and my concern, he asked, "is your father rich?" and i went "huh? err..well..he's just a government servant".

"well if your mom is rich, then i strongly suggest you to go for implant"

"how much?"

"RM3000"

"hmm.."

"it's better, and best."

"hmm.."

"if you want to do bridge, i have to cut the immediate adjacent teeth to put the bridge on. they are still nice teeth. why would you want them cut?"

"well.."

"well no problem, you can consult your parent first. if the tooth is extracted in less than a year, (it is) maybe the price can be less to RM2700"

"ok i'll try to talk to my parents first"

"okay, good. now let's do something about the left caries." he looked at the Xray of the particular tooth, and explained,"the caries is at the enamel only. the root are still perfectly intact, so can do only crown."

"how much is it?". Biggest concern.

"hree", he spoke through the mouth mask.

"three thousand too?"

"hree"

"three hundred?"

remove the mask, "FREE".

"owh..hehe..ok." but then i remember the 'waiting list'.

he asked about the extraction, and i told him, it was due to my childhood caries spread to the root.

"then we have to do this crown urgent, because it may go to the root too."

"okay". grinn. "any other problem with my other teeth dr?"

"no problem. all others are perfectly fine. let's do the impression for the crown"

YAY! hehe..i know it's not because of the lost tooth history that this was made urgent, because, there's 'advantage' being a HUSM student. Ngee~~

So tomorrow, i have an appointment at 9.30am for crowning! Yay! ONE tooth saved. Hehe..tu je nak cerita. As for the implant, hmm.. I'll consult baba & mama. Wish me luck! :)

P/s: take good care of your teeth. otherwise they gonna cost ya! ;P

.cinta sempurna.

Cinta Sempurna by Yuna.



Aku manusia lemah


Selalu terjatuh


Berbeda aku darimu


Kau berdiri teguh.



Aku serba tiada


Aku kekurangan


Dan bila kau tiba


Aku hilang dari kewujudan.



Bukan aku tak pernah


Mengerti dirimu


Ku sanjung setiap kata cinta


Kau berikan aku.



Hilangkan rasa itu


Akhirkan semua


Dan bila kau sedar


Aku hilang dari kewujudan.



Sempurnanya sifatmu


Tulusnya hatimu


Jujurnya niatmu


Tingginya kesabaranmu.



Lepaskanlah diriku


Kerna aku tak mampu


Menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna


Darimu… darimu.




Was taking a break from studying (ehem2. see I made me sound so hardworking there? Haha I wish baba’s reading this. lol) when this song knocked wave on my tympanic membrane. So I payed more attention to the lyrics rather than the previous ones aired during study time, when I wasn’t singing along.



At first I hear it, I thought it has religious soul and meaning or something,



“Aku serba tiada


Aku kekurangan


Dan bila kau tiba


Aku hilang dari kewujudan.



Sempurnanya sifatmu


Tulusnya hatimu


Jujurnya niatmu


Tingginya kesabaranmu.”



Kan, kan? I mean, who’s perfect?



But then, there’s this



“Lepaskanlah diriku


Kerna aku tak mampu


Menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna


Darimu… darimu.”



Who wants to be AWAY from His love?



So I figured, it’s a ‘humane’ love song. Hehe..



I bet it’s the nature of every couple. You know, to feel that their partner is perfect. Nobody else is. The one. Thus love flows unconditionally (you think).



But there’s sayings that pointed out, ‘do not hate too much for you might love then, and do not love too deep for you may eventually hate’. Ever heard of that before? I think it was hadith or something, but I don’t dare to say so without further research, I might be blamed for putting up false hadith. Yikes!



Listening to the song, I think someone may have loved a little bit too deep, (i know, some of you might be thinking, "love too deep"? is that even possible?) that he may have ‘intimidated’ the partner who is still insecure about herself. Not everyone is at the same level of everything. Even in loving. It’s not “love me back”. It’s “let me love”, and you allow one to reciprocate at his/her own pace. And if you love, you have faith. In one, for he/she may too, and in God, for you know there’s the best for you even it’s not him/her.



Just now, “it’s nature for lovebirds to feel that their partner is perfect.” So what happens when one feels insecure about his/herself?



It’s not doubt about ‘the one’, it’s just that, one may not love ultimately when he/she is yet to love him/herself. When someone thinks like that, you know one started to feel the ‘receiving’ is too much than the ‘giving’. And one would rethink about him/herself. And when you are in a diverged point of life, you know that there’s one path, usually less traveled by, to turn to. I’m not trying to be a goody-two-shoes, saying that only God knows best. But hey, we all know He is.



Well that’s my opininon. From my little much knowings.



You are insecure Because


Your belief is not sustained


By the inner faith.


You are insecure


Because


Your faith is not sustained


By the unconditional surrender.



You are insecure


Because


Your surrender has not


Breathed the life of oneness supreme.




Excerpt from “Dance of Life Part 4” by Sri Chinmoy
























.melancholic.

This week we are in a new block, Hematology or ‘blood 101’. For those whose currently not in medical sciences, blocks are sorta ‘chapter’ which are divided by body systems (e.g. cardiovascular system, respiratory system) or certain medical fields (e.g. environmental health, family health). But I haven’t finished revising my last block yet, which was Musculoskeletal or ‘muscles and bones 101’. In fact, there are still Genitourinary (genitals and kidney related) block notes untouched (aaaaaaaarrrghhh!!!!)

Anyway,

I was revising the orthopedics tumor notes, when I came to the Osteosarcoma, cancer of bone. The most common one among a few more malignancies of bones. Reading about it reminded me of my late grand uncle, Tok Ayah. He passed away not so a year ago due to this disease. It was a rather tragic event. Not the dying, but the lost.

You see, my baba’s father died when he was in standard two. Leaving behind a widow (my beloved phlegmatic Che’) and 7 children, baba being the 4th. Tok wan (my real grandfather) has many sibilings, but only him and Tok Ayah came from the same biological parents. Baba said Tok Ayah has his elder brother's face. Not only that, they both also share the similar great minds. They were both teachers, Tok Wan was former Principal.

To baba, Tok Ayah was a father.

During hari raya, whenever we visit houses, since little, I would always stick to my mama who will (like the usual) chat *or gossips* with the makciks, and my other male sibilings will be with baba while he’s entertained by the male host. But when we visit Tok Ayah’s house, I’ve always find it interesting to sit near him and baba while they chat. Primarily because they gossip less (duh~) and talk only about the things that matters. Whenever he opened his mouth, I hear and see only wisdom and knowledge, inspiration. He is what he read. He talked perfect English. (He spoke Kelantanese with us though). With him around, I listened about education, development, world happenings, previous and current leaders, in a very factual, unpoliticised way. And somehow I believed he was aware that there was a girl really listening to what he was saying, for I noticed, he only talked a bit about politics when (he thinks) I wasn’t listening. He knew politics are too much conflicts rather than knowledge for a child to listen to. When I grew up a little, he started to consider my opinion in matters as well. Although only a bit, sometimes when he asked me about certain things, I feel important. And wise, too. ;P

I never knew, that he got any disease.

One weekend, in my second semester, baba picked me up at hostel. He said we will stop by at Tok Ayah’s place. I was so happy because we seldom visit him if not on Hari Raya. Then comes “Lamo doh tok gi umoh Tok Ayoh, baba pung bz. Sian ko Tok Ayoh, sakit kuat.” And I was, “Huh??”. Silence. Straight face. We arrived at Tok Ayah’s place, I stepped into the house, not finding him clapping a book close with his thick glasses nor smiling at me. In another part of the house, I saw him lying on a mattress, eyes half closed. Baba shook hands with him. I kissed Tok Mek (his wife) and sit still beside her. Too shocked to speak. Tok Mek told him that we were here. He tried to get up with baba’s help. He gasped for air, tried to speak. Baba and Uncle Din, his son, forbid him to. Uncle Din explained that the Ca went to his ribs, and metastasized to his lung. He knows I’m in medical sciences, and showed the MRI and X Rays films. Tok Ayah called for him and asked for a few things. Seemed like he could breathe better by then. Baba tried to make a light conversation, to fill in the silence, but he seemed in delirium, can’t really make out what he was going to say next. Then baba said “Takpolah, tok payoh kecek lah Ayoh, rehatlah”. I could see the despair in baba’s face. Though he exhibited a straight one. I could see he was hurt. Anticipating a lost that could never be replaced. He lost a father once, he was going to go through it all over again. No one to talk of pure wisdom with, no one to turn for the good old days to. I could feel it right then, and it seemed I inherited the stone-face too. So I resumed talking to Tok Mek about the symptoms, what, when, how…yadayadayada…till baba ask permission to head back. Baba shook his hand and kissed him. For the last time.

I didn’t get the chance to attend his funeral, because of classes.

How I wish I had spend more time with him. How I wish I had ask him more of the world. How I wish I had talk more to him, tell him about all the things that matters in my life, so that, maybe, he can advise me how can I lead my life to be as deep and thoughtful, as serious and purposeful, as philosophical and poetic, as sensitive to environment, as detail-contious, as conscientious and idealistic as him.

But I am grateful though, to have observed and listened, thus learnt a great deal while he was alive.

This is just merely a memory. Nothing much to take from. But if there’s something, please, be accessible to your family like, ALL the time. Never forget them in your prayers, don’t make study (or boy/girlfriend) as an excuse to neglect. You never know when might you lose one. The memories, their words for you, and their prayers are the things that gonna help you go through and get better in life, when they’re gone. Well that’s my opinion.

And yeah, please please please, keep yourself, AND your family healthy. Suspect any disease, GO FOR EARLY CHECK UP. :)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

.cutie.

1) Copy badge "2009 Cute's Blogger Award" at my blog .

2) Link/narrate about the fella that give the award to you.

3) All tagged blogger must state 10 facts/hobby of himself before picking the next award receiver (tagging).

4) You have to choose 5 fellas to give the award to and post their name in your blog.
5) Don't forget to visit your fellas' blogs and tell 'em they are tagged!

So..here goes the tasks:

1.

2.   I've been tagged by a cookie! Haha the cookie is actually azie, a blogger of crumbsOFme that i can say i'm quite a constant reader of. I don't really know this babe, but i feel almost always that i can relate to her thoughts put forward on cyber space. Can't really describe about her for i might mislead you on different character of azie, thus it's better for you to browse through her written thoughts: http://azienazri.blogspot.com/

3. Now for the 10 facts of me:

  1. I'm called Wan.

  2. I secretly prefer people to call me Iliana, but since there are too many fellas with '-yana', Wan seems a better and simpler choice.

  3. I'm actually a Kelantanese. (haha don't know why i put 'actually' there)

  4. I'm petite, thus think i deserve this cutie award. LOL

  5. I'm an Amway distributor. =)

  6. I used to have an imaginary friend whose name interchangeably between 'Shah' and 'Ken'. Now he seldom visits.

  7. I'm going to Japan in 2010. Yay!

  8. I'm listening to Yuna's After Midnight and in looooVve with the song. Plus vocal.

  9. I used to always think it's boring to narrate about myself, hesitating me to put up a blog.

  10. I'm married.


4. Next cutiees in line:

  1. Teacher Farah

  2. Dr. Hazwan

  3. Dr. Ain Sabrina

  4. Ir. Ana Chronistics

  5. Ir. Lijoe

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

.walimatulurus.

Assalamualaikum, good day.

I'm back at the campus! Phew~ has been one busy weekend, with my aunt's wedding and all. Alhamdulillah, she is now a wife to an agreeable man.

Before, in my teenage years (not that now i'm not young. ;p), I've always been thinking, what will it be like when maksu is married. She is the youngest of my mom's sibilings and her age distance is not that significant from mine (only 3 years gap). Since childhood, we were like sisters. Although i live in Pahang and she is in Kelantan, my hometown, every school holidays were spent together. My mom would usually pick her up from grandma's house so that she can spend days at vacation spots with us. The same if there's no vacation plan that year, she'd still come to my house in Pahang first, spend the first few Ramadhan there, (back then Ramadhan was often during school holidays) and then we took the bus back to Kelantan to join my grandparents for fasting and terawih, only the two of us. We shared almost everything. You know, it's just like how you would be with your bff. There were times when we were a bit distant from each other, being so far away and having own cliques in school.. But since i went into university, which campus is just 20 minutes drive from my hometown, we are our old selves again. The first few semesters i didn't have a car yet, so she often came and fetch me during weekends. We share pieces of our stories together, and i have my favourite shoulder to lean on again, in sadness or joy. It was just unthinkable if one day she would settle with a man, and have herself devoted to someone, for, ever. *sigh* But hey, come on Iliana, you're a grown up now! Time to find your own! Ngee~ (^^)'

It's funny though, when i come to think of it, she has only knew Mr.Right for less than a year, and they sort of knew somehow, along the way, that they are meant for each other. I'm saying this because as i knew my maksu, she was, whom one could say, a swinger. (yikes!! hope new hubby not reading this!). I listened to lotsa over-the-phone relationship conflicts, seen lotsa pictures, co-read (with her) lotsa valentines' + hari raya + birthday cards and love letters from various guys. Sometimes they make me think that it's a miracle for this girl to settledown with ONE man. Heheh..but like they all say, "Jodoh dan pertemuan di tangan Tuhan". ;P It's not that she wanted to play with guys' feeling before, she just seemed so indecisive when it comes to guys. Then to make things easier she just accept every single man who came into her life, then rethink later. Haha yeap, no doubt, that's a swinger right there. Hahaha now i don't know what to say to back you up anymore, Su.

And now, finally, it's time that she already made up her mind, accept only ONE prince of her heart, and be merry. It's actually not bad, the man she chose. We can get along very well with each other. Not only me, but with the whole family. And maksu seems so happy with him, and that's what matters most.

[caption id="attachment_37" align="aligncenter" width="460" caption="Maksu and her prince charming"]Maksu and her prince charming[/caption]

Selamat Pengantin Baru, Moksu.


Semoga bahagia hingga ke akhir hayat. :)


Friday, March 6, 2009

.outsidered.

Outsidered



Heart retching, soul screeching,


For what I thought had I thought well


My heart and whole was still believing,


Yet it comes, no warning bell.



No need to wonder,


What wrong have I done


I see things clearly,


Towards the blame, now I run



You didn’t tell my heart farewell


Yet there I was, with unshed tears


With a love that neverendingly deepens


I can tell that I am now, an outsider.



This was written, and posted, while i was.. confused.

Now that i know better, it's not quite relevant anymore.

Yet i decided to keep it. To remind that i once went through this, utter confusion.

.resurrection.

Hi all. :)

OMG i've just realised that it has been over a month since i started this out! Sorry dear friends, for not updating accordingly. But i actually anticipated this as i'm not really a constant writer for no matter what. Hehe. I like to read tho. :)

Several reasons on not updating all these while, one of them being, i dont remember my passwords! Haiyos..that hampered some blogging ideas. However that's a minor minor reason. A lot has happened within the 33 days. Was in the medical student exchange program with Unimas for about 2 weeks. Sarawak trip was superb! I'll share more bout it with pictures in my upcoming post yah? Have just collected the pictures from the fellows of the whole entourage this evening.

This post is merely showing to you i havent forget all about the blogspace. Ngeee~ (^^)