.i am the master of my fate.

Sure, there are qada n qadar. But God must have given you cognitive function for a reason, doesn't He? Work for it, sunshine. Don't ever give up. Miracle happens to the lucky ones. And only the ones who put effort are lucky.

.Invictus.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

where is my rainbow?

When you cry and cry and cry

And the sky cries with you

You'll miss your sunshine

And the two days went by

With you just crying harder.

Iliana. 1800.

.stupidity beyond any reversed brilliance.

Tidakkah dia tahu betapa sakitnya aku?

Buat aku rasa tak percaya pada diri sendiri,

Janjinya yang dah dimungkiri.

Aku dah tak dapat cari apa yang mungkin.

Yang lain, sudah tak dapat diterima logik akalku.

Sekarang ada dua kemungkinan. Salah satunya - aku yang bodoh.

Salah aku yang kecil ini.

Bila secara automatik sembunyi dalam topeng asli.

Aku fikir, aku memang pandai 'berkonfabulasi'.

Bila terlalu sakit untuk realiti.

Komputer pun tertipu.

Siapa berani kata yang sekarang, aku gembira?

.IKLANEKA.

Tuan-tuan & puan-puan,

Kalau anda boleh;

1. Jadi patung sementara

2. Bawa roh jauh2 dari jasad untuk sementara

3. Potong keluar hippocampus dan amygdala anda buat sementara

4. Autopilot diri anda untuk 2 bulan dalam setiap tahun

5. Liquid-nitrogenkan jantung anda buat sementara

6. Hidupkan semuanya kembali kepada keadaan normal dan tempat asal selepas
  2 bulan (mungkin lebih, dan kemungkinan itu 99.8%)

Tolong daftar dengan saya.

Anda mungkin calon yang tepat untuk satu peranan.

Iliana. 0500

It's post-war. It's suppose to be different.

It was time of the year again.

The boy has the dream.

His treasure was at the base of the pyramid.

The boy shall go in pursuit of his dreams.

And the girl shall wait.

She is the woman of the desert.

The women of the desert shall always wait for their men.

The strong women of the desert.

Their men are to wander as free as the winds that shape the dunes.

The dunes are altered by the wind, but the desert never change.

But sometimes, desert takes the men away, they don’t always return.

So the girl may cry.

She is the woman of the desert.

But above all, she is a woman.

Her treasure is him.

Iliana. 0020.

.she had laughed, too.

Watching the kids play, and quarrel and sulk, i wrote this, at my kampung. Just a bit of the older kids version.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Liolle sat on a high wall alone.

Riobbe and Melleu were laughing at him.

There was a ‘kick me’ note on his back.

 

Riobbe was sad.

Melleu and Boog were laughing at him.

They have a ‘kick me’ note on his back.

 

Melleu was sad.

Liolle and Boog were laughing at him.

They pasted a ‘kick me’ note on his back.

 

Kaloona was sad.

Boog and Danda were chuckling behind her.

They wouldn’t tell why.

They have a ‘kick me’ note on her back.

 

Toonte was left alone.

He has no friends for now.

They were still giggling behind him.

They wouldn’t tell why.

They have a ‘kick me’ note behind him.

 

Toonte and Kaloona pasted a ‘kick me’ note behind Quwg some time ago. They had laughed, too.

 

Norah watched them all in silence. Cracked a ‘whatever’ grin for the stereotypic events.

Ipod in her ears, she couldn’t hear, that Jealaine, Hamuqa and Feswa are giggling behind her too. She just couldn’t be bothered though, for she knows, when someone ACTUALLY kicked her, she’ll have her muay-thai ready.

Anytime.

Happy Buffday QoodixX

Assalamualaikum and good day. :)

I'm not at tarawih today, jadi mengepos di sini. hehe



It's September 6th,

and for all i know, it's one significant date.

The special day in September on which a special friend is born.

So..

To Suad Nabila Sharfuddin ;D

Thanx for being a dear throughout the years. Sorry deh aku balik awal hari tu, next time I merempat lagi di situ, I duk saploh hari okkayy. (sampai kaw rasa nak halau keluar. hehe)

Happy birthday and the sweetest September,

21 candles finally are here,
I must admit, I waited all year.
So many obstacles, around tried to steer,
Passion for greatness, truly sincere!
In my life, you know you are, a valued member. ;D

.wide open space.

I see u adrift

I fell in silence

For I don’t talk

Not anymore

I wish for you

To sit beside me

To lie beside me

To crouch beside me

In the wide open space

And just see through me.

For I don’t talk

Not anymore.

Do you sense the woebegone little girl?

What does she have to tell?

Listen,through my eyes.

Look hard into my voice.

Is that bliss glittering,

Or is it grief, deepening.

I wait for, full of thoughts provoking

Not the sincere and gentle talking

With languor whispers and utters.

I awaits a friend of sacred rights,

0r claimed the lover, of heaven’s heights.

As I feel the solicitude

Has loosen its grip on me

Yet I don’t know

What right has I

To where do I stand

To deserve the heedfulness

To what extent could I have you to agree

So I don’t talk.

Not anymore.

I spilled

I blabbed

I just don’t talk.

Not anymore.

Won’t you want to make me?

*a few lines that are juggled from 1 of william blake (i think) i read somewhere somewhen*

.look me in the eye.

I was blog hopping my fellas' blogs when i stumbled upon a sweet hadith in a friend-of-a-friend's page, ms. aimi. It quotes:

"Sesungguhnya apabila suami menatap isterinya dan isterinya membalas pandang dengan cinta kasih, maka Allah menatap mereka dengan pandangan kasih sayang dan jika suami membelai tangan isterinya, maka dosa mereka jatuh berguguran di sela-sela jari mereka."

-Diriwayatkan oleh Maisarah dari Said Al-Khudri

Seems that there's more to love than mere affection of two hearts, eyh?

Psst: I hope I can have this printed on my wedding cards (^-^).

.spring.

In my heart. :)



Carnations, dandelions, tulips and roses.

Blooming blithesomely in the garden of my heart.

Oh there’s also cherry blossoms,

Effloresce in its part.

I just love how they blow in the wind

As they bespeak the joy that I am feeling.



…



I am home.

I am a daughter.

I am a sister. The eldest sister.



I am a girl.

I am a pixie.

We have our laughs.

Our pixiesh pranks.



I donned the summer dress.

Despite the spring.

It felt like winter. Vaguely winter.

My ivory jacket on.



We went up the hill.

We twirled on the swings.

We rode the cyclone, our breathings hurricaned. (even its fo kids, foheavenssake)

We superman-ed the machine, it typhooned.

We hiked up high, and dropped in a jiffy.

Our beats almost stopped. (in my case it did)

I screamed my tears out. (I thought I wasn’t a crybaby till then)



We burnt our red notes.

We got the tokens.

We threw the balls.

We got only the mini dolls.

Ahh..the red notes.. (T.T)



Massive burgers. (just in the menu picta they were big)

Fried ice cream.

Corn in cup.

Hot dogs.

Lollipops. Smiles.



We looked around.

We snapped.



We posed.

We snapped.



We smile.

We snapped.



We laugh.

We snapped.



I see them laugh.

I snapped.

Ahh..my family. :)



…





Hot chocolate, mocha.

Confused.



Big Apple, Dunkin Donuts.

Confused.



Sunflower, carnations.

Confused.



The bumper car, the go kart.

Confused.



Spring in London, summer in France.

Confused.



Lavender, lilac.

Confused.



White, Ivory.

Confused.



See with my ears, listen with my eyes.

Confused.



Take a break, go beyond.

Confused.



Morning person, all-nighter.

Confused.



Take it all in, let it all out.

Confused.



He loves me, he loves me not.

Confused...not. ;)



Never to run again.

Not another lap. ;p

I am..enamored.



…



Melati, mawar, kenanga, orkid…

Mekar kalian sampai kapan pun ya.

[caption id="attachment_97" align="aligncenter" width="460" caption="saje letak. comel pic ni.. :P"][/caption]

.cinta sempurna.

Cinta Sempurna by Yuna.

Aku manusia lemah

Selalu terjatuh

Berbeda aku darimu

Kau berdiri teguh.

Aku serba tiada

Aku kekurangan

Dan bila kau tiba

Aku hilang dari kewujudan.

Bukan aku tak pernah

Mengerti dirimu

Ku sanjung setiap kata cinta

Kau berikan aku.

Hilangkan rasa itu

Akhirkan semua

Dan bila kau sedar

Aku hilang dari kewujudan.

Sempurnanya sifatmu

Tulusnya hatimu

Jujurnya niatmu

Tingginya kesabaranmu.

Lepaskanlah diriku

Kerna aku tak mampu

Menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna

Darimu… darimu.

Was taking a break from studying (ehem2. see I made me sound so hardworking there? Haha I wish baba’s reading this. lol) when this song knocked wave on my tympanic membrane. So I payed more attention to the lyrics rather than the previous ones aired during study time, when I wasn’t singing along.

At first I hear it, I thought it has religious soul and meaning or something,

“Aku serba tiada

Aku kekurangan

Dan bila kau tiba

Aku hilang dari kewujudan.

Sempurnanya sifatmu

Tulusnya hatimu

Jujurnya niatmu

Tingginya kesabaranmu.”

Kan, kan? I mean, who’s perfect?

But then, there’s this

“Lepaskanlah diriku

Kerna aku tak mampu

Menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna

Darimu… darimu.”

Who wants to be AWAY from His love?

So I figured, it’s a ‘humane’ love song. Hehe..

I bet it’s the nature of every couple. You know, to feel that their partner is perfect. Nobody else is. The one. Thus love flows unconditionally (you think).

But there’s sayings that pointed out, ‘do not hate too much for you might love then, and do not love too deep for you may eventually hate’. Ever heard of that before? I think it was hadith or something, but I don’t dare to say so without further research, I might be blamed for putting up false hadith. Yikes!

Listening to the song, I think someone may have loved a little bit too deep, (i know, some of you might be thinking, "love too deep"? is that even possible?) that he may have ‘intimidated’ the partner who is still insecure about herself. Not everyone is at the same level of everything. Even in loving. It’s not “love me back”. It’s “let me love”, and you allow one to reciprocate at his/her own pace. And if you love, you have faith. In one, for he/she may too, and in God, for you know there’s the best for you even it’s not him/her.

Just now, “it’s nature for lovebirds to feel that their partner is perfect.” So what happens when one feels insecure about his/herself?

It’s not doubt about ‘the one’, it’s just that, one may not love ultimately when he/she is yet to love him/herself. When someone thinks like that, you know one started to feel the ‘receiving’ is too much than the ‘giving’. And one would rethink about him/herself. And when you are in a diverged point of life, you know that there’s one path, usually less traveled by, to turn to. I’m not trying to be a goody-two-shoes, saying that only God knows best. But hey, we all know He is.

Well that’s my opininon. From my little much knowings.

You are insecure Because

Your belief is not sustained

By the inner faith.

You are insecure

Because

Your faith is not sustained

By the unconditional surrender.

You are insecure

Because

Your surrender has not

Breathed the life of oneness supreme.

Excerpt from “Dance of Life Part 4” by Sri Chinmoy

.outsidered.

Outsidered

Heart retching, soul screeching,

For what I thought had I thought well

My heart and whole was still believing,

Yet it comes, no warning bell.

No need to wonder,

What wrong have I done

I see things clearly,

Towards the blame, now I run

You didn’t tell my heart farewell

Yet there I was, with unshed tears

With a love that neverendingly deepens

I can tell that I am now, an outsider.

This was written, and posted, while i was.. confused.

Now that i know better, it's not quite relevant anymore.

Yet i decided to keep it. To remind that i once went through this, utter confusion.