It's 4th day of ramadhan y'all! 3 down and another 27 days to go! Congratulations to ourselves. :D
Well here i have a confession to make.
All this while, i have this scepticism on people who posts about the ibadah that they do in Ramadhan, although they meant well. For example when people posted up "hey terawikh time!" I have this thought like, "lorhh..sebenarnya nak gitaw dia gi terawikh tu" or when there this kind of post: "baca Quran jap after jemaah bagus gak an?" Again, i'd went "lorrrhh..org lain ade gak wat kot. xyah nak promo sgt lah."
Until the first day of Ramadhan, i was having a super malas time and was thinking to skip terawikh on that day. Then i see my dear Farah Ainaa's FB status:
pesta ibadah bakal bermula!!! ok excited :)) jomm2 seap pape yg patut.tolak tepi jap less0n plan l teaching aids l assignmnts sume bagaiii.kte serbu masjid t'dekat terawih start mlm nie keyh! mngkin ini ramadhan t'akhir kte wh0 kn0ws :'( Quran kasi khatam with0ut k0mpromi jugakx yerp! ;D
"tolak tepi jap.." make me realise that my priority at that exact moment should be mengejar pesta ibadah tu, instead of being selfish and lounging at home. And thus i decided to go to terawikh that night. A simple status update of a friend has made me change my mind. I can't imagine her share of pahala that she'd get that night. And I was jealous.
Ya Allah if you should take me in my salat please take me as a believer,
I pray the angel of death appears half as beautiful
As half the beauty created by my creator,
Take me yesterday if it means I'll get there sooner.
The warm wet water still dripping from my wudu,
I beat the sun this morning in order to stand before you,
But no need to thank me, your praise is long overdue,
All I ask is that my intentions be clear and true.
The Ka'bah in line with my nose, hell fire under my toes,
If this it, please make these last prayers legit
For I am nothing but a servant please master give me guidance,
Bring me closer to your deen, far away from shaytain,
Only five times a day, I wish I could pray infinity
For all that you have given me; for all that you have taken away
There is no excuse for me to not want to stand up and say "Allahu Akbar"
I state the obvious, nervous, body in perfect formation
As I stand before my Lord trying to prove my dedication
Walking the thin line between hope and fear,
Words coming out crystal clear as though judgment was here,
The humility combats the lies I told in my youth,
In my sujood is when I am closest to truth
A vessel of submission, his recognition is my quest
Hands folded, both palms crossed facing my chest,
Gaze is lowered, on the spot from which my head will rise,
Wet warm water still covers my eyes.
I cherish this dunya, like I cherish sunny weather,
Wonderful at times, but still not meant forever,
So Ya Allah, if you take me in my salat,
Please have my last words be the last words of Al-Fatiha
Right before La ilaha illa Allah, Ashden Muhammadur Rasul Allah,
For you my God, I will hold and cherish this faith,
For this is a test, and we always do worst in the subjects that we hate,
So I am still amazed that you have given me the strength to praise,
For a long time I never prayed, never said your name for days
I am still ashamed of what my heart once contained,
But still you sent me blessings again and again,
Your mercy uses words that I can simply not explain
The honour that I feel, the love that I maintain
Forehead and nose, hands, knees and toes,
All pressed before the Lord, before I rose,
I choose to make a little prayer of my own,
Ya please Allah forgive me for my sins as though they were not my own,
Help me to pray as though I were saying my final goodbyes,
My bouncing finger lets me know I'm still alive, Alhumdulliah
I swear to God, I do not feel comfortable swearing to God,
Because I'm not sure if my faulty words will even do him justice
So now everyday I send peace and blessings upon his prophet,
Empty my conscious like banks empty my pockets,
Only this interest is in my best interest
Were my prayers answered, only One knows best?
I'll try again soon, Insha'Allah
The rest is in the hands of Allah Subhanahu Wa-Ta'ala